You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
