You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize