I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
