You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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