I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize