break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
