I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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