You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
