He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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