VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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