He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
