Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
