Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
