Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize