the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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