Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
