Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
