Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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