I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
