Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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