Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
