??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize