i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize