They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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