Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
