I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The Olympian is in my bed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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