oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
