He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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