i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
