Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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