This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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