i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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