just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
