i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
