apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
