This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
only if we run a train.
done.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh god it's open bar.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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