If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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