There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
