question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
