i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
