There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
