The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
