Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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