I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
