My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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