He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
