My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
