Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just made my gag reflex go away.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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