Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
