Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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