imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
there is glitter all over my balls
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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