Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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