Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got inside last night via doggy door
pray to the hookup gods
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
