I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
