I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
