so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
