Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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