1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
