at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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