So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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