He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
